Indeed, a reunion occurred last night. And yes, it was of great importance. Although it must be said, not as great as the first encounter.
I am speaking of the annual Fashion Group International's Night of Stars. The $1,000 per ticket event which brings together actors, designers and producers all under the aegis of FASHION.
The previous year, as most of you remember, I had petits tête-à-têtes with one large Star Jones and a certain bitch Anna Wintour. Well this year, many new names appeared, but not nearly the scandal.
I shall start with the names:
Carol Alt with Roberto Cavalli
Sir Terrance Conran mit son
The de la Rentas - chic
Betsey and Lulu Johnson - insane
Lauders - too many
Paltrow's - Gwyneth in Oscar de la Renta
Rykiel's - French
and Anna Wintour - polite (!)
SO I escorted Elsa Klensch and her husband, who were terribly pleasant and who I spent a considerable time with. She is now doing a show on some digital tv channel which none of us get, but she believes all of us will get one day. She reminded me that at one point CNN was a little nothing of a station nobody knew of either - how true she is! I have to say she was everything I would imagine - a classier Robin Leach. As we passed the bar, she let out the slightest sigh of discontent and quipped, "Champagne bottles with straws? Who ever thought it would come to this!" Elsa darling, I couldn't agree more. Half the fun of champagne is the glass! Later backstage, she was eager to get back to the table for more spirits; that's my girl.
Anna Wintour was with her copain Shelby Bryant and in a splendid mood. One thinks that Ms. Wintour was shagged to the max before arriving. Why, you ask? Well, Shelby had the nerve to grab her ass whilst pictures were being taken. I never knew she had one! And she was constantly giggling and chatting. MY CHANCE TO REDEEM MYSELF! As you remember, last year I had quite a moment with Ms. Thing when I gave her the wrong directions to the bathroom.
So I was leaning against a table when I saw Anna on her way to the bathroom. SO I shouted out, " Hey Ms. Wintour, I know where they are this year!" and pointed in the direction. Well, she burst out laughing like I never knew a Vogue Editor could! How refreshing! She was wearing, by the way, the most gorgeous silk gown that looked like it had been dipped in gold. It was fitted with a fishtail flair and had thousands of tiny ships sailing around it. Divine-Byzantine.
So the show began and I’d had too many Scotch and Waters. Needless to say, Betsey Johnson was a great pleasure to see whilst drunk. She was in a petticoat of red and white stripes, and blue tank top with NYPD in red glitter. Her boots were very Ginger Spice – red, white and blue. Lulu, of course, was sublime with a red bias cut slip dress. Well honey, Ms. Johnson stood on that stage and clucked till everyone had completed two courses. What about I can’t tell you… but she was great to watch and see twirl around.
Next on stage was Terrence Conran and son, of London design fame. Didn't understand a word - very pip pip and all that rot. Now for some excitement! Sonia and Nathalie Rykiel were hoisted on stage and boy was that a pair. May I inject, that the reason it was all of these couples was because the theme was FAMILY for this year’s event. Now, have you ever seen one of those dried apple headed dolls? Well, that's Sonia. Nathalie is just French. Once they received the award, in typical French fashion, they complained.
Nathalie: “Well, I guess we have to share this ONE award.”
Sonia: “And we have to carry it too.” (It was very heavy.) But it was great to remember why I live here and not France.
Quincy Jones gave a divine speech about how we should all live backwards, start off in old age and end up a fetus - truly original. But I never heard the punch line because Tommy Hilfiger just loved my Westwood boots and asked where I got them and how tall they were and then we heard a roar of applause and we missed the punch line! Oh well.
Then the awful Paltrow's came forward. Actually he's not that bad, but Gwyneth is that rich girl in school I couldn't stand. She sheepishly said, "Thanks to Oscar and Anna because they sat at our table." EEEEW! Then she had her picture taken, took OFF HER SHOES, held them and went back to her damn table. Worthless.
Michael Kors was fine; he asked me to hold his speech all night. Gee, thanks! I almost lost it twice and when I read it, I got angry because it was the simplest speech to remember! Blah blah, family, Nordstrom's, thank you.
Then Bette came up to introduce the Lauders. I approached her table to tell her she was on and she about lost it. Claiming she didn't have enough time to edit her speech, her assistant had to hug her and calm her down. She looked great though.
Then the Lauder’s came up for the grand finale. Erin is so society, it’s nauseating. Just rolls her eyes a lot, talks about how her hair looks awful and complains that she's always running late. Jane I love; she's the under dog. They were of no grand importance to write about.
So that's that. And of course, I got a goodie bag; the contents I’m not speaking of because they have become Christmas presents for many on this list. Times are tough.